Distractions during Salaat

SA everyone,
just completed the "Distractions during Salaat" script. Anyone willing to subtitle it?
God Bless

[Ali] 30, 000 views? 30, 000 views?!
That’s crazy, huh?
Are all these people actually tuning in and watching a simple show like this?
I mean, it’s just me. Sitting in a chair. With a camera. And talking about the stuff that’s going through my head. But people seem to be watching. Are all you people seriously watching? *chuckle*
Some people are even laughing. *laugh* Not that much! *light chuckle* Ok that’s better. Seriously, I don’t know why people think I’m a comedian. Just for the record, I’m not a comedian, I’m not an actor. I’m just a brother with a video camera talking about random stuff.
But if I was a comedian, I wonder what that would be like….hmm…what if…

*daydreams standing in front of a huge audience at a comedy stand*
*in a Middle Eastern accent*
Thank you thank you! Thank you very much! My name is Ali. I’m here to make you laugh. HA HA HA, Ho Ho HO! Yes, thank you thank you…
*end day dream*

Nah….As you can see, I’m not a comedian. I’m just another random brother that you see in a crowd of Muslims. Talking about stuff that many of us think about, but we don’t necessarily talk about. I guess that’s what comedians do…I guess that’s why people laugh. Yeah...

But these video blogs do have points. I like to call them reminders. All joking aside, I’m not trying to be funny. I’m just trying to add a little bit of entertainment, so viewers like you would watch. Alhamdulillah, it seems to be working! Because being funny is hard! Laugh! Come on, laugh! You see, it doesn’t work!
Sometimes, you have to be serious.
[Ali as audience] I don’t like it when you’re serious.
[Ali] Well, if I’m always joking around, no one will take me seriously.
[Ali as audience] Fine, ok.
[Ali] Anyways, this whole video blog was just an experiment. It was never meant to be a weekly show.
[Ali as audience] But it’s a weekly show, right?
[Ali] Well, kind of. There’s only 10 episodes. And this is the six of the ten, Which means that there’s about 4 more left.
[Ali as audience member] Haha, what?
[Ali] Yeah. 4 more left. After that, I’m going to be taking a break for a while. I have other stuff to do!
[Audience member Ali] What?!
[Ali] I can’t do this every week! These things take time to do.
[Audience] Oh, come on!
[Ali] I’m serious. It’s going to take time to do. You know what? How about YOU try it?
[Audience] What do you mean I try it?
[Ali] All these people are watching. How about you guys put the material together and I’ll do a show.
[Audience] Are you serious?
[Ali] Yeah! We’ll do a show based on what you guys think. The audience have so many different suggestions in the comments (yes, I read them). I’m sure we can come up with something good. You guys put the content together, I’ll do the show, I have the camera, I have everything, we can do it. We’ll broadcast it on Youtube, we’ll broadcast it on Ummahfilms, and then we’ll go there and you can get your comments from everyone.
[Audience] You’re serious, aren’t you?
[Ali] Yeah, I’m serious!
[Audience] rubs chin hmmm…ok, we’ll do it!
[Ali] So if you have it down to put a show together, put your comments in the comment section.
Enough talk; let’s get to this week’s show!
Will you please roll the tape?
That’s just me talking to myself-there’s no one here. There’s not even a cameraman. Ok, roll it!
(Video intro Ummah films)

[Ali] One of my favorite parts of Ramadan is Shaytan’s M.I.A during that month.
[Side] M.I.A means “Missing in Action”.
Well for the rest of the year, we have to listen to his whispering. Especially during the salaat. HOW ANNOYING IS THAT?!
Shaytan sucks! Big time!

When Adam was created, Shaytan was the only one that wouldn’t bow down. Out of arrogance, he disobeyed Allah. What a loser. Out of jealousy, his goals are to make you go astray so you don’t make it to paradise. You know, Shaytan is like the first Hater. And that’s why he’s always trying to play mind games with you. Doing whatever he can to take you away from the straight path. Trying to distract you. It’s like as soon as you say “Allah-o-Akbar!” the whispering begins. He’ll try to make you remember things you couldn’t remember for the life of you ten seconds ago. But suddenly now you remember where your keys are! Phone numbers that you thought you forgot! The funny things that happened to you throughout the day. All of the stuff you have to do right after salaat. He even tries to give you doubt if you have wudhu or not. So you spend the rest of the time trying to think about “do I have wudhu” or “do I not have wudhu?” And the next thing you know, your salaat is over. As soon as you say “Asalaamalaykum warahmatullah”, “asalaamalaykum”, the whispering stops.

AHHHHH!!!

You know, in this life, all you see, touch, taste, hear, is dunya. So it is very easy to forget about what is important, which is the Hereafter, and what is less important, which is this dunya. This dunya is only temporary, but the Hereafter is forever. So, one of the most important things that we must stick with, no matter what, is the salaat: the five daily prayers. It is a reminder for all of us and we need to be reminded five times a day on what is important, and what is not. So during the salaat, we struggle with Shaytan. But sometimes, the person praying next to us can also distract us as well.

So here are the tips: This is the tip section (you know what I’m saying?!)
[Audience] This is gonna be funny, huh?
[Ali] Uh, I don’t know. We’ll see.
Here are some random distractions that may happen to you during salaat.
-Children running around while you are trying to pray.
-Children climbing your back during the salaat.
..Wait a second? Is this kid for real? How old is this little girl? Two?! Two?! She does let go at some point, right? Right?
-The person praying next to you is playing “keep away” with his toes. Foot-to-foot, shoulder-to-shoulder. What’s so hard, bro? Why do some brothers play “keep away” with their toes? I don’t understand. After a while, it looks like he’s doing the splits. Is there something wrong with this picture? Or is it just me?
-Praying next to a loud whisperer.
[whispers Surah al-Fatiha very loudly] You know, the Surah for Zuhr and Asr, you’re supposed to pray silently. But some people, they don’t pray that silently. Have you ever prayed next to that loud whisperer? Yes, LOUD whisperer. [Whispers loudly] If you’re whispering out loud, you’re not whispering any more!
[Continues whispering loudly]
-Smelling bad breath. Here’s a tip: if you like eating onion and garlic sandwiches, most likely you’re going to have bad breath. You may not be able to smell it, but the guy next to you does. And that goes for all the chain smokers, too. By the way, I love the smell of atr, I use it myself. But some brothers, they use A LOT of atr. I mean a lot. THIS is normal atr: [dabs gently]. THIS is a lot of atr: [dumps entire bottle]
You know what I’m saying?! And sometimes, when you have too much atr on, it can be very distracting for the person who’s praying next to you.
-Praying next to someone who’s constantly moving. Have you ever prayed next to someone who’s always moving? I mean, CONSTANTLY moving during the salaat? THAT can be very distracting too.
-Getting knocked down during a “head-to-butt” collision. If you’ve ever been inside of a small masjid, and there’s a lot of people there, sometimes the lines get really close together. And if you’re not careful, there can be a collision. *chuckles* I call it the “head-to-butt” collision. [Features clip]

This is Ali reminding you just in case you forgot.
*whistling*’
This is Ali reminding you just in case you forgot.

[Back to comedian daydream]
And you ask people “te-rick or te-reet”. Vat is this “te-rick”, and vat is “tereet” I don’t know. And everybody ask me question, what is “te-rick, what is te-reet, I don’t know! Do you know what is trick or treat is? All they do is say “trick or treat”, and sometimes, instead of giving you an answer, they put candy in your bag.
[Audience laughs]

END